Friday, June 18, 2004
Hints & Allegations [UPDATED x2]

Here is part of the fruit of tonight's work.

Hints & Allegations
When we cannot but glimpse
An object's attraction,
we become too enthralled with
Invention's abstraction

And construct and compend
A tome's worth of fiction
To quench the soul's thirst
And the mind's new addiction.

So women become angels -
Their faces, now paintings -
And all the high symbols
Are dragged through the taintings

Of human concoction
And improbability.
For a person is not
Some false fantasy

But merely a creature
As fallen as 'you,'
With no higher features,
Or sublime attributes.

Only in the mind
Do those things exist -
Where faeries and witches
And dragons subsist;

Where children run freely
And all lives are merry;
Instead of this real world -
Both frightful and scary.

To the true traits of humans
We are so well-attuned
That we flee to the mind
To distract from our doom.

And so we compress,
And distort and amend
The visions we see,
With the ones we pretend.

Went over the poem again, changed some phrasings, reworked the odd line. I think it works better now, but I'm still not completely happy with it. I guess there is a reason I let most of my poetry sit for a while. Heh.

The line that bugs me most is "Not joyful, but scary." It's just...too simple? The language doesn't fit. I mean, yeah, it rhymes, and it gets the feeling that I want the stanza to convey...but 'scary'? Reads like a kid's book, or a ghost story. No, I've got to fiddle with that some more.

More edits to come later.

I think it works better now, with "Both frightful and scary" in place of "Not joyful, but scary." Also, I liked Amy's suggestion for the fourth stanza: "and" does work better than "of."

As always, this may change in the future...but so far so good.
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A webjournal of ideas, comments, and various other miscellany from a Texan university student (with occasional input from his family) living in Toronto, Ontario. Can you say "culture shock?"

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